When I heard the news on the phone. I dropped the phone and ran to the other room while I was screaming. I never screamed that high. There are no words to describe such horrific moments in someone’s life. Nor can you really reenact them.
Despite the avalanche of emotions that suddenly dropped on me I remember this detail very well. It haunts me sometimes.
As I rushed inside, my baby Joška who was 10 months then and who was standing near the couch screeched as I screamed. I could hear him in the background as I jumped unconsciously to the other room. My husband held him and they both came after me. My husband knew he had to hug me but at the same he couldn’t ignore our innocent son. They both stood in front of me and I saw his face. My baby’s face. He was so scared. But what burns me to that day is that single teardrop that stood halfway on his plump cheek.
I promise that one day when Joška is older and he can understand, I’ll tell him I’m sorry that he had to witness his mum’s worst moments of her life.
For that single teardrop I loved him a million times more.